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[Photo by: Andy Janning]
Today we celebrate 19 years of marriage. That’s a really long time.
19 years. It is hard to believe that it has been that long.
6,940 days of being together.
Best friends. Husband and wife. Bryan and Shayla.
However, what we have now almost never happened.
We often say that we had an okay marriage for 6 years, a year from hell, and then 12 years of what marriage is supposed to be.
From the outside looking in, we had it all. The first 6 years looked to be picture perfect.
A new house…check.
Two new cars in the garage…check.
A new boat in the driveway…check.
Two dogs, two cats…check.
American Dream…check.
It all came crashing down with these three sentences just a few short days after celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary.
I don’t love you.
I don’t want to be married to you.
I want out.
The irony in our story is that these three sentences were said less than two miles from the church where we walked down the aisle to become Mr. and Mrs. Bryan Moffitt. With those dream shattering, excruciating, heart crushing statements, the marriage that we had would soon succumb to the ways of the world and fail. The divorce papers were drawn up. Our lives were destined to be split forever.
But we fought for our marriage, rescued it from the pit of despair, and now share hope with the hopeless.
Take that world, we beat the odds.
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[Photo by: Andy Janning]
In honor of our anniversary:
19 Truths About Marriage.
Marriage isn’t easy…but it’s oh so worth it.
This is a favorite phrase among many. We hear it all the time. We say it all the time. There is truth to the phrase. However, the reward is so worth putting in the hard work in order to have an incredible marriage. The more you put in, the more reward you will experience.
Being a team is better than being individuals.
Marriage will never be what it was designed to be if you try to navigate it as two individuals coexisting under the same roof. This goes for doing chores around the house, grocery shopping, car shopping, running errands, and joint finances. The more you can do as a team, the more unity will be created.
God created marriage.
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Marriage was designed by God for a man and a woman to become one. This is biblical truth from the beginning of time. Marriage is a spiritual covenant that pleases God when we live as a married couple in unity with Him.
The enemy wants you to fail.
Satan wants nothing more than your marriage to fail and for you to become another statistic. John 10:10 says this. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” Satan wants to destroy your marriage and you. Don’t give in to the temptation or lies of the enemy.
Marriage is fun.
You should be having a ton of fun in your marriage. From laughter to inside jokes to those late-night giggle sessions in bed. Your marriage should be the one safe place where you can relax, be yourself, and have genuine fun. Find something that you both enjoy and then schedule time to do it together.
You can have sex every day.
Well, maybe not every day but sex does bring you closer physically, emotionally, and spiritually. God created sex to be kept sacred within the marriage relationship. It is important to not overlook intimacy in order to have the marriage that God designed for you.
Your spouse shouldn’t be a recycled item.
When things become old or stagnant, we recycle them or throw them away with the intent of getting a new and better version. We do this with cell phones, clothes, vehicles, and homes. We must stop treating our spouse this way.
Divorce is not pushing the easy button.
There is never anything easy about divorce. It’s always messy. Emotional damage has long term consequences. Two lives are divided without knowing the lasting ramifications. Don’t give up. It’s not the easy button.
Growing old together is rewarding.
Have you ever seen a couple in their 80’s walking hand in hand? It’s pure beauty. There is something magical about seeing elderly couples together. Plus, you get to celebrate 40 years of being married, 60 years of being married, or possibly even 70 years of being married!
Marriage is a covenant.
An agreement was made between the two of you. A spiritual covenant that joined you together. You chose each other. You said I do. Now it’s time to say, “we will”. We will stand up for what’s right. We will love when we don’t feel like it. We will forgive when we don’t want to. We will love when the world says not to.
You won’t find happiness with someone else.
The grass isn’t greener on the other side regardless of what others tell you. Don’t believe the person who tells you that there are more fish in the sea. You would not be better off without your spouse. These are all lies. Remember #4 from above? Go back and read it again.
Walking through Target IS A DATE NIGHT.
And all the married people said, Amen. Target, Lowes, or even Costco. As long as the kids are at home with the sitter, an hour stroll through a store can be just what you need to reconnect as a couple. You must continue to date your spouse long after the honeymoon phase is over. Keep pursuing your spouse as you did when you were dating. It makes trips to Target that much more enjoyable.
Memories are more enjoyable with your spouse.
When you share special moments with your spouse, you are creating lifelong memories. The promotion at work or the baby’s first steps at home need to be shared with your spouse first before best friends or family. Celebrate with your spouse the little victories because then you can stand together during the losses.
Growing apart is just a myth.
There is zero truth that couples grow apart. There is truth to couples not growing together but it is always possible to repair the distance between husband and wife. People that say “we just grew apart” are looking for an easy way out. Don’t give in to it. Do something about growing together to make your marriage stronger today than it was yesterday. One way is to read the Bible together. Pick up a marriage book and read it together. This is a game changer.
Because your kids are worth it.
Your kids deserve to have their mom and dad at home together. You loved each other enough to get married, to have children together, and to begin a family. Please fight for your marriage to resolve whatever conflict you might be experiencing. You can leave a legacy for your kids by working through your marital issues. Show your kids that you love each other and that you love them. Keep your family together.
We were created to live in community.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) You were never created to live in isolation. You were created to live in unison together. This isn’t always easy to do because our natural tendencies are to run to isolation when things become difficult in life. When you feel isolation setting in, talk with your spouse about how you are feeling. God created a helper for you to get through the difficult times.
marriage IS YOUR most important relationship.
This is non-negotiable. Your marriage must be more important than your relationship with your kids, with your friends, and with your extended family. The moment you put someone else before your spouse, is the moment that the enemy begins to form a wedge between the two of you.
Invest in your marriage.
If your marriage is going to be the most important relationship you have, it is vital that you take time to invest in it. Sign up for a marriage retreat, take a weekend getaway just because, or find a marriage counselor for regular maintenance. Find a couple who you admire and ask to take them to dinner once a month and learn from them. Learn from those around you who have a strong marriage.
God created your spouse specifically for you.
Think about this for a moment. God designed your spouse for you. The person who you get to say good night to and good morning to was created to complete you. This should be inspiring and mind boggling for you. The quirks that you have match up with the quirks that your spouse has. The love that you have matches up with the love that your spouse has. Together you have something that no one else has and that no one else can replicate or take away. Your marriage is yours. Own it. Embrace it.
Thank you for celebrating with us! Now go grab your spouse’s hand, look them in the eyes, and tell them that you love them.
We believe in you.
Bryan & Shayla
About Bryan & Shayla
Husband & Wife for 19 years. Best friends. Hope Givers. Jesus Followers. Our purpose is to share hope with the world through authentic conversation. Anguished Hearts exists to lead broken people into a powerful relationship with Jesus. Our desire is to see others experience the same freedom that we have experienced.