Nobody takes their first drink with the intent to become an alcoholic. The reality of throwing away your future career, your future marriage, or your future family doesn’t cross your mind as the bottle hits your lips for the first time.
You’ve been told that it’s fun. It’s a part of growing up. It’s just what people do.
So, you decide to do it too.
However, for the addict, that first drink tastes different. Actually, it’s not really about the taste. That first drink feels different. It feels different to the addict in ways that only an addict knows.
This is where it gets difficult to understand.
Today I celebrate 13 years of sobriety. January 30th, 2008 was the last time I had a drink of alcohol.
Today we celebrate 13 years of sobriety. As a sober alcoholic just one drink away from being a drunk, we celebrate days like this together.
I celebrate with Shayla.
The one who stood by my side all of those years that I caused pain to her. The one who would wait up for me after a day of binge drinking to make sure I somehow made it home safe. The one who should have left me for good the day she found out about the affair.
The one who made the decision to stop drinking so I would have someone to give me strength when I wasn’t strong enough by myself.
When you are in the middle of an addiction, it’s nearly impossible to get out on your own. It’s easy to become an addict by yourself, but it’s extremely difficult to get out of the addiction by yourself.
While we are celebrating today, the reason behind the words that I am typing are for you. They are for the person who finds themselves trapped from the addiction. The words are for the person who is watching someone they love destroy themselves and those around them because they can’t stop consuming the substance.
You are not going to fight this alone.
You might feel like no one else is on your side or that no one believes that you can beat this. Heck, you might not even believe you can beat it. That’s BS.
You can beat this. I believe in you.
I’m sending you a lifeboat. You are going to need it in order to survive this storm.
Here’s the interesting thing about being an addict. You play this continuous game of tug-of-war to see who is stronger.
It’s your will power versus the addiction.
My addiction was alcohol. Yours might be pornography. Or drugs. It might be an over-the-counter prescription that began as a real need to help with pain, but it’s turned into a dark necessity to function. It could be cigarettes, chewing tobacco, or vaping. Maybe it’s overeating or spending wasted hours trapped in the virtual gaming world. It could be that the gambling has pushed you into a corner with no way out.
An addiction looks different for different people. One thing that every addiction has in common is that it leads to one thing.
Pain.
Back to the tug-of-war game. Imagine this with me. On one side of the rope is a group of the strongest men you’ve ever seen. But you can’t see their faces. You strain to figure out who’s on the other side, pulling on the rope. As confusion sets in, you can’t make out any detail of what they look like.
The more you try to look, the more blurred their faces become. But you can hear something; almost like a muffled whisper coming from the other side of the rope.
You can’t beat us.
You can’t win.
You are worthless.
You are a drunk.
A porn addict.
A drug abuser.
A gambler.
Why are you trying to stop the craving?
Click on that website again.
Take another hit.
Have one more drink.
Swallow the pill.
Bet your paycheck.
Put the dip in.
Light the last cigarette.
Eat what you want.
YOU CAN’T BEAT US.
On the other side of the rope is you. You look around for help. There is no one. That group of drinking buddies? They are nowhere to be found. That wine club? They are too busy with their own life to worry about yours. The dealer who seemed like a close friend? He’s off destroying someone else’s life. The girl at the strip club? She’s trying to put her life back together after years of being exploited by people trying to get a quick thrill.
You are alone.
The rope begins to slip out of your hands so you grip it even tighter. The indescribable pain begins to overtake your entire body. You panic and look to the other side. You still can’t see their faces, but you can hear them laughing now. It’s a heartless laugh. They are mocking you.
About this time, you look down at the distance between you and them. But rather than solid ground in that distance, you notice that it’s a dark pit. You can’t really see into the pit all the way but from what you can see, it’s a long way to the bottom. Whatever the distance, it would at least break a couple of bones when you hit.
There would be no way out once you found yourself at the bottom. No ladder. No rope. No steps to walk your way out. Even if you survived the fall, you wouldn’t survive long.
There is pain for now but death is coming.
A grueling, slow death.
That’s the life of an addict.
We try hard to win the game of tug-of-war. The harder the faceless men pull, the tighter we grip the rope. The harder they pull, the tighter we hang on to our substance of choice. We think we have control over it. You convince yourself that if you grip it tighter and try harder, you might just be able to make a move on them and win this thing. We think we can stop but we haven’t really accepted the fact that we have a problem. Since we believe that we don’t have a problem, we believe we won’t have a problem stopping it when we want. However, that is one of those lies that the faceless monsters whisper to us as well.
Pain or sobriety.
Those are the two options for an addict. There is no in-between.
Over the past 13 years of sharing my battle with alcohol, I have heard thousands of other stories. Each story is different to some degree, but the ending is always the same.
Pain or sobriety.
It’s one or the other.
I either hear a story of celebration or I hear the pain in their voice. Either their eyes light up with the number of days they are sober, or their eyes fill up with tears of pain. It’s pain that I have felt before. The look in their eyes tells more than words ever could. They are trapped at the bottom of the pit after hanging on to the rope for too long, only to be pulled over the edge by the substance. They are dying a slow, horrific death.
You remember the first time.
All of us addicts do. We remember because it did something different for us than it does for others. It took us to a different place, where we could hide from something or experience something better than our current circumstance. From that first time, we kept going back for more.
What started as an inquisitive exploration, has resulted in a darkness that others don’t understand.
Here’s the reality. You were an addict before you took that first drink, opened that magazine, clicked on the website, snorted the first line, swallowed the first pill, or made your first $100.
You were born an addict.
When you are high, drunk, or fantasizing on a website, it allows an escape from whatever here is to a place over there.
Over there, we can be someone else. We don’t have to worry about the bills piling up, the marriage tension, the job loss, or the hell you went through as a child. It all disappears once the substance kicks in.
This is the life of an addict.
But I am here to tell you that there is a way out. I am here to send you that lifeboat. You are going to survive the storm.
Pain or sobriety.
That is where you find yourself. If the pain has caused enough hurt and you are ready to turn to sobriety, this is how you can experience freedom in your story.
Acknowledge the addiction. Call it what it is. Don’t sugar coat anything. You’re exhausted from it. It’s time to acknowledge it.
Admit that you’re an addict. This won’t be easy but it’s vital.
Ask for help. You won’t be able to do this alone. You need an accountability person.
You might think that #1 is the same as #2. While they are close, there is a distinct difference.
To acknowledge something is to realize the existence of something.
To admit something is to face the truth of the (said) something.
For example, to acknowledge is to recognize the addiction within your behavior and that the substance is controlling you. To admit that you’re an addict is to put the responsibility solely on yourself, not on someone else.
“I acknowledge that (fill in the blank) has become an addiction that I have no control over.”
“I admit that I am an addict. Nobody is making me (fill in the blank). I am the one that makes the decision to (fill in the blank).”
Asking for help is vital for the road to healing. You must have someone in your corner to stay strong for you when you are weak. Your accountability person must be someone who understands the struggle you are facing and wants to help you get better.
More importantly than asking someone for help is asking Jesus for help.
All of those whispers that you have been listening too for as long as you can remember are from the enemy.
There is a constant spiritual battle of good versus evil in our world, in our minds, and in our actions. It’s been like this from the beginning of creation when we were separated from God because of the original sin by Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
In order to reconcile this wrongdoing and sin, God sent his son Jesus, into the world as a baby.
He lived a perfect and sinless life.
He healed the broken and gave sight to the blind. But in order for Jesus to fulfill his purpose, he had to die on a cross. He was hung naked in front of his loved ones and those who mocked him.
While the religious leaders of the time thought that killing Jesus would end his ministry, it only jumpstarted a movement.
Three days after dying the cross, Jesus rose from the grave and conquered death. He defeated the tomb so we could have new life too.
Romans 10:9 says this.
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
The same spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.
Romans 8:11 says this.
And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.
Invite Jesus into your addiction.
It might sound crazy. But what else do you have to lose? You’ve tried everything else. You’ve tried going to meetings. You’ve tried reading self-help books. You’ve tried counseling. But you always go back to the addiction.
You have let the addiction define you for too long.
It’s time to be defined as a new creation.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says this.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
It’s time to be defined as more than conquerors.
Romans 8:37 says this.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
It’s time to be defined as someone who is rescued.
Colossians 1:13 says this.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves.
It’s time to let go of the rope. You will not win the battle by hanging on to the rope. Let go of the substance that has control over you.
Let Jesus be your lifeboat.
He is the one who can rescue you. He’s waiting with arms extended to help you into safety. You just have to take the step towards him.
One day at a time. That is all you have to worry about. Don’t worry about tomorrow until tomorrow gets here. If you focus on today, ask Jesus for help today, and not give in to your temptation today, then one day turns into two days. Two days will turn into a week. A week will turn into a month. A month will turn into six months. Six months will turn into a year. A year will turn into five years. Five years will turn into a decade.
That’s how you will win this battle.
You let go of the rope. Acknowledge and admit. Ask others for help. Invite Jesus into the addiction. Focus one day at a time.
I believe in you. You can do this.
Celebrating with you,
Bryan
About Bryan Moffitt
He is a speaker, writer, podcaster, and hope giver. His passion is to see others experience the same freedom that he has through an authentic relationship with Jesus. He is a marathon runner and a father to Addyson and Cayson. Bryan has been married to his best friend, Shayla, for over 21 years. Together, they are co-founders of ANGUISHED HEARTS. Be sure to check out their BE[different] Podcast and connect with them on FACEBOOK and INSTAGRAM.